Some of you know that 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, an autoimmune, inflammatory bowel disease which is currently causing major inflammation in my small intestine. With an initial surgery and medication, it's been kept pretty much under control... until last year. Different medications didn't seem to help and when my doctor finally said that I have a serious case and that it wasn't a matter "if" I would need surgery again, but "when", I realized I needed to make some significant changes if I wanted to prevent or at least postpone surgery as long as possible.
Thus began a rather reluctant journey in the last 6 months of diet changes.
Reluctant because I like food. I dearly love good bread, pasta, chocolate, baked goods.... and of course a healing diet requires giving up all that. For my situation, it's somewhat complicated. A medical doctor will tell me no nuts, no fiber, all fruits and veggies must be cooked. A nutritionist will tell me no sugar, no dairy, no grains, no soy, no legumes, limited fruit. At this point, both are necessary - the natural guidelines for healing; the doctor's guidelines because I'm not healed.
What does that leave me with? Meat. Broth. Eggs. Cooked vegetables. A little fruit.
Part of me really resented that I needed to do this. In fact I still have days that I resent it. For example, this past Sunday: my church sponsors an Indian man doing ministry in his home area in India, and he came and had an Indian lunch for everyone. I went not knowing if I could eat anything, but when I arrived they said the one dish had only meat and vegetables and spices - no thickener. Great. But when we were served, they had run out of this dish. So for lunch I had a couple carrot and cucumber sticks and a banana. I was hungry, I was not happy, and I was left feeling completely alone and like no one cared enough to save food for me. Too often I'm around people eating things I can't have and am frustrated that I have to deal with this.
In addition, all this takes a huge chunk of time, more money than I'm used to spending on food, and an incredible amount of willpower. Sometimes I'm successful with the discipline; sometimes I'm not. Unfortunately, for this diet to work in order to heal my inflamed insides, there's no cheating. And for me, that's just extremely difficult.
To be fair, right now my diet isn't quite as strict as meat and vegetables. I have added in some nuts and some raw fruits and veggies. I can bake with nut flours and coconut flour and homemade almond or coconut milk. However, I still find that too much will cause pain. My body just doesn't handle it exceptionally well - yet.
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| My produce basket is very colorful! |
Also to be fair, I've made some pretty amazing food: lemon chicken with asparagus and mushrooms, Thai coconut curry turkey meatballs over cauliflower rice, chicken enchilada soup. Even carrot pineapple muffins and coconut banana bread and chocolate banana peanut butter smoothies made with almond milk. (Against all Grain is becoming a favorite website - can't have everything listed in some of the recipes, but most I can at least adapt). I've learned to make my own mayonnaise, coconut milk, almond milk, coconut butter, and chocolate from raw cacao. Sometimes I get on kicks when I want to try all kinds of new recipes and end up feeling exhausted, but pleased with myself. It is a healthy diet. All those vegetables and fruits! And who knew you could make a quasi-hamburger bun from cashews??And another aspect I do appreciate is that in being forced to plan ahead a little bit, having friends over for a meal is much simpler - whether it's planned or spontaneous. Often there's already sometime in the fridge we can eat, and having people come to me is easier than trying to explain to others what I can or can't eat.
This is all very much a process and honestly, one of the harder aspects of life right now. It takes planning. It's time consuming. I don't always feel like cooking. Finding food I can eat at a restaurant is stressful. It's stressful in general. I definitely can't eat on the go. It's complicated explaining my diet. I don't always have good discipline and have those days when I resent not being able to eat what I want: when I'm in someone's home and my friends are enjoying a meal or dessert which I can't have, or when I'm tired or stressed and would really just like a pastry and some chocolate (I'm missing all the fantastic bread and chocolate in Europe!). I'm still learning how to surrender those desires and enjoy the gift of food God has given me. It's definitely not a perfect journey. Tonight, I'm enjoying some homemade peppermint patties (mine don't look nearly as nice!) and trying not to think about how they don't quite measure up to the real thing. :)
I've definitely noticed less pain and in general improved health when I eat well. It's not perfect yet, but from everything I've heard and read, it could take a year or two to really cleanse from all the bad bacteria and toxins from "normal" food. And even then, I may never be able to add back milk products or gluten without noticing symptoms. Some days I wonder if I'll make it that long, especially because I'm so often tempted to cheat. But for my physical and emotional well-being, I need to be persistent. Physical, because if I'm not, I'll be in pain and as a result will have little emotional (and physical) energy to engage and LIVE life. So even though this is difficult, the other option is worse. Your prayers for discipline and for ultimate healing are appreciated as I continue this journey.
