His dwelling among, and within, us

Last week as I was visiting a different city, I sat for a few minutes in a beautiful old church. Above me a high frescoed dome; in front of me an ornate altar surrounded by majestic stone walls. And around me sitting many others, gazing forward or heads bowed in silence. And I wondered, what is the motivation behind all of these people are sitting here? Are they tourists, like me? Did they come to take in the architecture and art and atmosphere? Or did they come looking for a few moments of something larger than themselves, a few minutes of peace?

As I think about the European culture in which I live, connecting with God, in any context, does not seem like a priority for most people. And yet there are specific moments (Christmas and Easter, especially, or as a tourist) when people do enter these churches. Is it only tradition, or is that they feel like they should make an effort to give God a few minutes of respect, and the church is the place to do it? Is it an opportunity to find a moment of peace and reflect on something larger than yourself? Or an effort to connect with God? But it's only a brief moment, happening inside those walls. Are these old churches the only places that are seen as sacred - THE place to experience something of God?

In this Advent season, the season of hope and expectation, as I sat in this church and wondered at the people sitting around me, I was impressed with the image of the Son of God born as a human baby, living among us, and as the result of his life, death and resurrection, he established the ability to send the Spirit to dwell within us. It's no longer necessary to meet with God in a specific place, because we have become the temple of God; we commune with him anytime and anywhere. “I will ask the Father and he will give you another Counselor to be with you – the spirit of Truth...you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” (John 14:16-17) And I was struck with what an incredible gift this is. I don't know the hearts of the people around me, what their intention was in being in that church building. And I recognize that these incredible churches can be great symbols of the majesty and holiness of God and inspire reverent worship. But it also saddened me to think that many don't recognize that what they might experience in a few moments of silence in a grand church building is also accessible for each of us personally, in any and every moment of our lives. We only need to recognize it and accept it.

I pray that in this season that you will experience the fullness of this precious gift – the gift of God with us. Not just the mystery of our Messiah experiencing life as one of us, but the magnificence of God living within his beloved creations in the form of his still, quiet presence. Our hearts the sacred dwelling place of the Wonderful Counselor and Prince of Peace. He has become infinitely accessible. Let every heart prepare Him room!

Arise shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isaiah 60:1

12 months

Four years ago I created a birthday list - a list of things I wanted to try in the following year. It was a fun challenge and interesting to look back on to see what I did experience.

Since next year is a more "significant" birthday and because it helps me to find ways to celebrate a birthday, another year, and life in general, I want to make it a goal to have a new experience or activity to challenge myself (maybe step out of my comfort zone) once a month for the next 12 months. Maybe it's like a birthday present to me - to find something to enjoy each month.😊 It also helps to me plan ahead a little bit... otherwise a month easily comes and goes without any intentionality. Or I struggle to think of something and make it happen within the time frame. So I'm creating at least a brief outline now, in the hopes that it inspires each month. Currently on the list:

• speak Czech in a situation where I'd be intimidated to try (this will most likely will begin this monthly challenge - I'll have the opportunity on Sunday to share in front of my church how I'm doing and what they can pray for)
• visit a place I've wanted to see in the Czech
• learn how to do something new (maybe take a painting class? maybe something else...)
• Invite someone for a meal who I've never invited before
• do a creative/hand-made project
• attend a ples (Czech prom - and this one is already scheduled for January)

and a couple possibilities that I'm considering:

• write a worship song 
• make svíčkova (my favorite Czech meal, which takes some time to make) with ingredients that I can eat
• go on an overnight river trip
• attend one of my choir's trips or mladez trips (this one would be extremely challenging for me because of language and because of the group setting... which is why I'm not sure I want it officially on the list...)
• hike Half Dome in Yosemite (this one is very dependent on receiving the permit required to do it, and a very limited amount are given out every year. But I can put my name in for the lottery drawing and see what happens!)

Can you think of others to add? I'd love to hear your ideas!

Christmas is coming, the carp is getting fat...

It seems in the US the Christmas countdown has 2 groups ... those who start listening to Christmas music as early as possible, love all the excitement and a couple months ago posted "100 days left till Christmas" (and will keep posting the countdown update throughout the season), and those who definitely won't have anything to do with it until after Thanksgiving and even then it's iffy.

In the Czech, there is no Thanksgiving, so Christmas basically starts in November - though it's never  to the extent that Americans do it. But all around are signs of Christmas, and friends are asking if I've started Christmas shopping or what plans are for Christmas. In case you don't remember, Christmas holidays are December 24-26 - all three days are State holidays. I'm not sure yet what my plans will be, but I still have time. :)

I look forward to the Christmas season in Prague. Because the winter is so dark and cold, for at least 1 month there are lights and decorations and Christmas markets and all kinds of Christmas events. It makes the otherwise dreary season quite festive. So I'm counting down... 14 days until the first Christmas market opens! :)

What has been fun this year is that my choir is singing Handel's Messiah. Not the whole thing, but a number of the more well-known chorus pieces. A fun challenge for me is that I've always sung soprano, and this year I'm singing alto. And even more fun is that the Czechs don't know the Messiah, so it's exciting to explain that it's so commonly sung in the US around Christmas. And for once in this group I feel like I have a small part to contribute with pronunciation. Let me first say that I admire Czechs who have learned or are learning English (especially because so many know multiple languages), but one thing about Czech, and most other languages, is that they don't contain the "th" sound. It often comes out sounding like "d" or "t" at the beginning of word and "s" at the end of words. So funny story from the other evening at rehearsal... we were practicing "And the glory of the Lord" and the last line is "the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." Except that "mouth" comes out more like "mouse"... resulting in the mouse of the Lord speaking. :) Oh, the joys of language and culture.

Worship is key

Today I bought a piano.

Maybe that's not a big deal for some of you, but for me it's somewhat of a renewal. Although I spent a good portion of my life playing, through university and later as worship leader in my church for several years, in the past years (too many years) I confess I've played rarely. When I moved to Prague, it didn't seem overly important and for the most part I didn't miss it. While I VERY occasionally played with a worship team here, otherwise I have no opportunities to play. And for as often as I play just for myself, it didn't seem worth it.

But recently something has shifted.

As background, it's been a challenging year in a variety of ways. Connections and work have felt in general more draining than life-giving. God has revealed a few areas that I've not surrendered to him and it's a difficult process of working through it and knowing how to overcome it (kicking and screaming in some areas). I've struggled with being fully committed to the diet (read "lifestyle of eating") that I should follow for my health. I'm recognizing how many lies I've told myself and believed for years and years, and it's a constant battle to recognize them and replace them with truth. I'm feeling a lack of vision for the fall and its activities and not finding much that I'm really looking forward to. And I've found it difficult to find places and times of true rest this year. It all weighs heavily and it's difficult to find my joy in the midst of it all.

But recently God has been igniting a desiring to worship more and in it, to play more. To play my worship.  And so a couple of weeks ago I started looking around to see what's available. I found a used digital piano being sold and even went to try it, but wasn't convinced I liked its touch. But otherwise wasn't excited about anything I was finding and wondered if I should just wait and see what else used came up in the coming months, since buying new seemed expensive and it didn't seem urgent.

And then this past week I was at my organization's European retreat in Austria and I volunteered to lead one of the worship times.  Afterwards, several people affirmed my gift in leading worship, which was encouraging. And completely God. Because honestly, I was nervous, not having played in so long and not having led worship in even longer. One comment in particular, offered after the prayer time for me (every worker shares what has been going on and how others can pray, and I had shared about some of the struggles mentioned above), was that "worship is key". At that point he didn't know I played piano or led worship. He didn't know I was considering getting a piano. But for me, that comment confirmed my desire and my decision, if only to make it a commitment to spend personal time in worship.

 It also reemphasized something someone prayed over me years ago - specifically praying over my hands to play worship and exhorting me to play and create. That God will do much through my worship. At the time I don't think I was very diligent with it, but the word hasn't left my mind. Right now, getting a piano and being intentional about worshiping means that I'll have a better place - a place that connects with my heart - to express my worship. And I know in the midst of worship we are lifted above our current circumstances - above what feels like is weighing me down. A place where I can find joy and trust. That I'm looking forward to.

English camps 2017

It's hard to summarize English camps. Too much is involved and every week is different. But I enjoy putting together glimpses of each camp. Watch all or 1 or none... :) Though it makes for a tiring summer, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be involved in these camps and to meet so many amazing people. And I thank God for what He has done this summer.

Week 1: With a missionary family, the Wendel's, who have a camp every year in České Budějovice, a city to the south

Week 2: With the youth from Třináctka, my church

Week 3: With Scripture Union. These camps have been going on for years and years, and so many youth have attended one of these camps.

And for additional entertainment, Kuba and Dan made palačinky (crepes) at the last camp. Adding the video into the week summary made it too long. :)

pieces of Jewish history

One of the very sobering aspects of Czech history is the treatment of Jews from 1939-1945. In the Jewish Quarter of Prague is a memorial to all Jews who were living in the Czech at that time, sent to concentration camps and never returned. There are walls upon walls listing their names and date of birth and death, while a voice reads through the names.  It's quite sobering. Some 80,000 Jews died with no grave to commemorate them, and 153 Jewish communities were destroyed. 

One of 4 rooms this size or larger covered with the names of Czech Jews who died in concentration camps.

Outside of Prague was a holding camp, Terezin, where Jews were sent on the way to an extermination camp. It was portrayed to local communities as a place where families could be together, children could play and get an education. Of course, it wasn't the "holiday" that was advertised. But there was an art teacher there who encouraged the children to express themselves through artwork. Some drew about their homes and Prague and travel. Others drew the treatment and persecution they experienced. 

Showers at Terezin

Life before deportation - persecution and expulsion from the schools

Beyond the Looking Glass - dreams of the children

And then there is a cemetery, the largest Jewish cemetery in Europe, where Jews were buried from the 15th century until the 18th century. Because they were only allotted a certain amount of space, graves were up to 12 layers deep.

Spanish Synagogue, the newest synagogue in Prague on the site of what was probably the oldest synagogue

Czech culture up close and personal

Let me just be clear up front that I appreciate Czech culture. I spent the past 2 weeks living with a Czech family and then an older Czech woman for language immersion. It was definitely an interesting experience, and I loved experiencing the differences in culture. For both weeks I was out of Prague; first in a town of 10,000 south of Prague and then a town of 2,000 east of Prague. Though it was good practice (listening and speaking), even more interesting was the experience of living with Czechs and experiencing daily life with them. I haven't been in such a close context (outside of English camps, which is not real Czech life :) ) up to this point. So here are a few fun observations from throughout the weeks, some of which I had known to some extent before, but it was fun to actually experience them. Hope you enjoy a glimpse of Czech culture.

• Czechs eat watermelon seeds. Maybe you do too, I don't know! But it definitely was not common in my family of origin. 
• Lunch is the biggest meal of the day, usually preceded by soup (which I think is supposed to help with digestion). Supper is much lighter; often leftovers or bread and meat and cheese. 
• The garden is the term for the whole backyard. Sometimes it contains an actual vegetable garden, but often is a mix of flowers, fruit trees and fruit-bearing bushes scattered around. Most gardens have multiple types of fruit or nut trees/bushes.
• It's quite normal for children up to 6 or 7 years old or so to run around naked - even swim named together with friends and even babies and toddlers not yet potty-trained, though maybe for shorter periods of time. 
• The Czech language has completely different words for "eat", "sit", "lay" when talking to small children. In addition, almost every noun can be converted to a diminutive form when talking about a smaller form of any object, and often used when talking about items or toys for children. (i.e. kniha = book, knižka = small book, storybook)



Buckthorn

• Soft serve ice cream is served everywhere - even in the smallest village you'll find a tiny stand that sells it and in bigger towns, multiple ones, designated by a large cone sign on the sidewalk. 

• I learned a few herbs and berries that are native to Europe and as far as I know, we don't grow in the US: libeček (lovage - an herb used in soups), rakytnik (buckthorn - small orange berries high in vitamin C). Rybiz (red and black currants) are found in almost every garden (though I know we have them in the US - though they're not nearly as common). And I tasted gooseberries for the first time, which were quite good. 
• It really is quite strange to not unusual coffee or beer. After the lunch meal and at every visit drinks are offered and I often received a look of surprise when declining these beverages. Fortunately, I can redeem myself a bit with accepting tea. :)
• Not only is my written name strange for a female in the Czech, the English pronunciation is extremely difficult for Czechs. The Czech "j" is pronounced as a "y" sound, so the j sound is difficult to begin with - often coming out as [zh] (like the s in "measure") . And the "a" (as in man, van, etc.,) is not found in the Czech language ("a" is more like the vowel sound in "pond") so my name is everything from "Jane" to something like "Zhon" or the French "Jean".
• And one not from my immersion, but a doctor's appointment recently... doctors answer personal calls while seeing you.

Nature therapy

I'm pretty sure mountains are my love language. :)  The beach is nice, but I'm not a huge fan of swimming. Cities can be interesting, but are often too busy and overwhelming. But nature, mountains... I can take in the scenery all day. For several days - or weeks - and not get tired of it.

Last week I had the privilege of joining my brother and sister-in-law for a few days in the Austrian Alps. It was a huge gift after a rather draining spring.  But with this view every morning from our balcony,

with my journal and cup of tea, my soul begins to be restored. In the stillness, the peace, with no responsibility and no task other than to soak on the beauty and awesomeness, a quietness comes over my heart and my mind. My God, my rock, my refuge and strength. He is capable. He is trustworthy. My unshakable mountain, and yet creator of and greater than these majesties. And infinitely knowledgeable about every inch of his entire creation, including each and every one of his children. Including me.

I hated to leave. The few days we had here was not nearly long enough. :) This creation is amazing and pictures just don't do it justice. But I'm grateful for the few days we did have, and will dream of the next excursion to the mountains. On my bucket list for some day: hike to the top of one of these. Doesn't even have to be one of the taller snow-capped mountain - just one with a view. :)

Grossglockner, highest peak in Austria at almost 3800 meters. And the largest glacier in Austria right below it.

Drove to Italy one morning, because when it's only and hour away, why not?!

That lake down there is in Italy

And then we drove to it.

What does not satisfy: a month later

So, in April I shared about seeking attention and comfort in things other than Jesus - at least in a few areas, His grace has been great. I deleted Instagram and Facebook (though not Messenger...) from my phone and didn't look at them for a month. And when the month was up and I did look at them, I realized there's not much that draws me there - except a few pictures and updates from family (it's hard when you're far away!). But in the past week, it hasn't been much of a temptation. Yes, I've looked at them. But instead of several (or more than several...) times a day, it's been something like once every other day. And I think I'm ok with that.

I'm not sure I've had more time to engage meaningfully with people, but I have noticed an ability to rely on and notice God in the moments. The strength on hard days, a random conversation that was a blessing, His affirmation in me and beginning to live out of Belovedness rather than Neediness. It's definitely a process and I feel like I'm still exploring ankle-deep water compared to the depth that is possible. I still crave connection and connection is valuable, but I believe I'm moving in a good direction in its focus and priority, especially as it relates to where I turn first with my emotions.

And I've been much more intentional about seeking God, spending time in prayer and listening and longing for more of that rich fare that God has in abundance. John 7 stuck out to me the other day: If anyone is thirsty, come to me and drink and out of you will flow rivers of living water. From deep inside, naturally. I long for that living water to spill from my life, to display joy and peace and love, to bless others without thought. I'm far from perfect. I'm often selfish with my time, with my money, with my energy. But I long for these to be transformed as my identity is becoming more complete in Christ alone. He is the living water deep inside, where I am completely whole, deeply satisfied, fully given because I know the truth of who He is and who I am. My desire is the day when I am putting my ultimate hope and trust undividedly in his unfailing love.

What does not satisfy

This week my teammate, Stacy, comes back after being gone for 9 1/2 months. I never wanted to be working without team in a foreign country. The past months I've done it. I just read through the blog I posted when she left (Rootedness). I was right: it was hard and it was good. I've made stronger connections without her. I've had moments of feeling lost. I've gained friends who are willing to be there for me in my vulnerability. I've had weekends of loneliness not knowing who to spend time with. I've been more intentional to have guests in my home and celebrate holidays with others. I've recognized more of my weaknesses and dependence on things and people outside of Christ.

That last one is a big one. I'm still in a process of learning contentment in Jesus alone - that He is my source of identity and affirmation. Maybe it's a lifelong process. But I think especially as a single person living alone this strong desire for consistent, meaningful relationships has been highlighted. And when I don't have the fulfillment in human relationships and am not seeking completeness in Christ, I look to any sign that I'm accepted and remembered.

This desire expresses itself in various ways. Especially when I'm home alone, whether I'm studying Czech, planning lessons or watching a movie, I've become aware of how often I look at my phone. For an email, a fb message, even an Instagram or fb like. I have this inner voice crying, "Please notice me. Validate my existence. Tell me I'm worth something." This craving to be recognized. The sad thing is that it's not real relationship. This habit is a craving for something this is simply fleeting, the joy of being remembered gone an instant later.  Isaiah puts it, "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on something that does not satisfy?" I spend my time and focus on a hope of a moment of "connection". (Or the Message says "Why spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy?" What tastes so good in the moment gives no nourishment for the long run. Also quite literally an issue as my body does best without gluten, dairy and... sugar. But my chocolate! And cheese! And bread and cookies!  :( Also another area in which I seek comfort other than in God, but that's another issue - or at least a side trail of the same issue.)  I long for something that truly satisfies and nourishes, and so often I look for it elsewhere... in superficial, in easily accessible, in what tastes and feels good if only for a brief moment.

Isaiah goes on...
"Listen to me and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

I recognize true satisfaction comes only in Jesus. I long for this rich fare, for what is good and wholly nourishing. With Jesus. And with other people as we are the body of Christ together. Speak to my soul. Rest in the satisfaction of enjoying a feast. Have a real conversation. Something meaningful.  Something I'm learning, something God is doing, something I'm battling with. Listen and encourage and be encouraged. I have some of those moments, but they seem too rare. Too often I feel like language gets in the way. And time and busyness and families and school and work and all kinds of distractions... they all get in the way. Of real fellowship with Jesus and with Jesus in others. I long for more that for a myriad of reasons rarely happens. So I ask myself: When are those moments that it can happen - should happen - and I simply miss it? I become distracted spending my energy on what isn't filling - it's the cotton candy. Or I just plain avoid it... because, why? I'm afraid? What would really happen, except probably good?  I'm tired of seeking satisfaction in the things that don't last - in the junk food and cotton candy. Lord, give me the passion and discipline and courage to partake in what is truly good, what my soul can truly delight in and leave all the rest behind.

missing a piece of Easter

I went out to visit Easter markets with a friend today, and as I returned home, I realized something - only once, in a small box of decorated eggs, did we see the symbol of the cross. Or any religious symbol, for that matter. Spring is everywhere, and other symbols of Easter - flowers, eggs, chicks. Loads and loads of chocolate and candy eggs in every size - some up to a foot tall with a Batmobile inside - being sold in every supermarket. But no crosses. Nothing resembling the reason for Easter as I know it.

For most people, including all of my friends who aren't a part of my church, Easter Sunday holds no special plans. Monday, possibly, as it's a State holiday and Czechs have some unique traditions. (see this article if you haven't heard before, or google Czech Easter traditions). But Sunday may be an ordinary day.  In some ways it feels very foreign to me, since I have many great memories of Easter. Getting up in the dark and being driven to the park overlooking the river to join my church in a sunrise service (maybe not always great being woken up so early, but still..).  The thrill of "He is not here. He is risen!" A new flowery Easter dress. Hunting for Easter baskets with my siblings. White lilies at church. The joy with which "Christ the Lord is Ris'n Today" is sung. Extended family together for lunch and all day. The whole joyous atmosphere, full of excitement and celebration, throughout the entire day. The atmosphere in Prague is nice - full of life and beauty, but without the cross and without the empty grave, it's different. It feels empty. In that respect I appreciate my church family and the parts of the celebration I can experience with them. I miss the fullness of the Easter celebration at home, but am making new memories.

Heart worship

We've been having periodic praise and prayer services at church. One a few months ago was a wonderful evening - I was so encouraged by the number of people there and the obvious presence of the Holy Spirit. And I'm encouraged by the prayers of the people - willing to speak out their praises in the larger assembly and sing wholeheartedly their praise. In the midst of it, it's hard to believe that this is such an uncommon experience here - that not only does (only) 1 in 100 know Jesus, but I'm sure not all of them experience worship like this. Of course, the same could probably be said of Christians everywhere.

As we worshiped, I wondered what it would be like for that same devotion and passion to be evident in our daily lives. How many of us worship wholeheartedly in this setting, but when it comes down to daily life and work and children and chores, that praise disappears? Or as we spoke out our thanks, what would it be like to speak out those same things in the presence of our friends, families, co-workers, etc. I'm not saying it doesn't happen - I'm honestly not sure what it is like in Czech culture. I know my heart often gets distracted by the duties of daily life and forgets to live in and express the presence of the Spirit.  But still, my heart's song while in Prague has been,
 "Holy Spirit, you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere. Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for, to be overcome by your presence, Lord."
 How better to welcome the Spirit than by expressing our hearts continually?

Weekend breather

A friend and I took a spa town trip this past weekend. Sounds luxurious, right?  But we didn't actually indulge in many of the spa treatments. But this town, Karlovy Vary, is quite interesting. The thermal springs in this town are supposedly good for certain health issues: digestive disorders, metabolic disorders, musculoskeletal system problems and periodontitis,  People actually come for weekends or a week or weeks for individualized treatments. The primary treatment is to drink the water; sipping while walking slowly, not in a hurry, preferably in the vicinity of the spring and through this special cup. There are something like 80 thermal springs in the town, 15 of which are public. And then of course there are all kinds of resorts and hotels which offer all kinds of other spa treatments, with doctors and nurses on site to prescribe the right kinds of treatment for your case.

Of course, we had to try the water, especially since it apparently treats digestive disorders. It was horrible. But I drank for my health. Each spring has a slightly different composition of minerals and temperature. None of them were good. We ate dates to get rid of the metallic taste in our mouths. And were amazed at the many people sipping this water who drank like it was normal tea.

Healing waters

Freedom spring

The other thing we tried was sitting in a salt cave, completely surrounded by salt from Poland, Pakistan, Siberia and the Dead Sea . It was supposed to be good for your respiration, skin conditions, depression and tiredness, among other things. We laid in the dark with soft music playing and water trickling behind us for 45 minutes. We didn't feel any different outside of a nice nap, though possibly we would have had a really bad day if not for breathing the salt fumes. :)

But the town is fascinating. Many different museums including one of the most quality producers of Bohemian crystal and Becherovka (a Czech liquor). We didn't get to those museums, but may have if we had had more time. We did walk through part of the beautiful woods to an observation tower,

visited a butterfly house (these guys are all REAL),

Hey, nice disguise!

saw a Russian Orthodox church

and an exhibit of the Terracotta Warriors.

Did you know these guys were originally brightly colored?

And even with all that, it was a blessedly relaxing and refreshing weekend - much needed after many weeks of winter and routine.

One of the two public spas

One of the 4 colonnades sheltering the public springs.

And a reminder of many experiences far from home.