a sabbatical journey: by the numbers

By the numbers:

    40 days

    7078 miles

    9 National Parks

    1 National Lakeshore

    1 National Monument

    3 other areas of hiking/exploring throughout Colorado and Utah

    150+ miles hiking/exploring

    5 connections with friends/couples along the way

    1 destroyed van ceiling, metal window blind in an airbnb, and Christmas light strand (then     amateurly repaired), all courtesy of Maggie

    1 lost privacy tent (blew away in a Utah windstorm) and 1 poop bag dispenser

    3 nights in a paid campground (one fully equipped, 2 with only pit toilets)

    3 nights in a hotel, 3 nights in an airbnb (primarily so I could hike in national parks where     dogs aren't allowed. 1 night because of rain)

    8 nights with friends

    23 nights boondocking (dispersed camping)

    6.5 Coleman propane bottles used for cooking

    2 turkey, 1 pheasant, 1 porcupine, loads of lizards, many multitudes of mule deer spotted

 Everyone has been asking what my favorite park or stop was. I don't know if I can say completely. Every park was so different. I love mountains, so Colorado and Rocky Mountain NP was gorgeous. But the slot canyons of Buscskin Gulch and in Grand Staircase Escalante area were fascinating and adventurous. And Zion and Bryce in Utah were also amazing. 

Did it meet my expectations? Yes and no. I didn't know what to expect in terms of the places I visited. The landscape and diversity was beyond my imagination. So many moments of "wow, this is incredible". Even the first miles of very flat, barren Utah land, only broken by the mesas rising straight out of the ground.  After many, many miles, though, it got a little mundane. And one part of Utah I swear was like being on the moon (yes, this picture is in color)

But the diversity... wow.

But I had hoped for more down time, time to read, journal, connect with God. That did not happen as much as I would have liked. I didn't expect so often being so tired at the end of the day (even though my desire was to keep it a slower pace so I wouldn't be exhausted). But I forgot that essentially I would be camping, and camping in general is just more work. Additional pieces to set up and tear down each evening and morning. And driving and hiking are both tiring. The days where I stayed in one location were nice. 

 Another realization very highlighted as I reached the top of a boulder in Rocky Mountain National Park to have a spectacular view of snow-covered peaks...While it was incredible, I found myself lamenting that I had no one to share the adventure and the moment with. To share the exhilaration of climbing this boulder that I wasn't completely sure how I'd get back down (a few others were up there, but it was either a steep rock-climb, or slippery snow/ice covered incline). And to wonder at the magnificence of God's creation at the top with. Though the invitation is to share it with God, somehow it's not the same as with a physical being. Those were moments of grief; a lack of shared experience with someone. 

Would I do it again in a converted minivan? Yes, I think so. Perhaps with a few minor adjustments to the van. It also helped that weather (besides being at times frigid or windy) was decent. Only ran into rain once, outside of the week driving back. 

Overall, how to describe it? Breathtaking. Monotonous. Restful. Stressful. Adventurous. Tiring. Indescribable. 

a sabbatical journey: the non-glamorous

 So maybe you've seen some of the pictures on Facebook of the magnificently diverse landscapes I've experienced over the past 2 weeks. It's truly spectacular... though I could do without the seemingly infinite stretches of nothingness in Nebraska and Kansas. No offense, you two - I just much prefer trees and mountains. To be quite honest, I sometimes struggle with seeing other people's fabulous vacations all the time, and I probably wouldn't have been posting so many, except that so many people asked to see pictures. So, they're there.

And so to even it out a bit, I thought I'd share a piece of the less-than-glamorous sides to this trip.  
(ok, I recognize the following pictures are pretty, but there was a lot of stress and frustration behind them all!)

A somewhat minor but consistent annoyance: the curtain rod in the front and in the back don't stay up.  I started taking the front one down in the morning, since it would inevitably fall anyway. And putting it back is a challenge, because it generally takes 3-4 attempts till it'll finally stay. But when you're exhausted and it falls, this is not pleasant.

One of the more major annoyances/stresses/frustrations has been finding a spot to camp for the night. My goal was to do mostly dispersed camping (in undesignated dry sites, often in National Forest, Bureau of Land Management land, or other public land), with the idea to stop at a campground every now and then for a shower or possibly get a room or airbnb in a couple select locations so that Maggie could stay there during the day while I hiked (oh, side note, if you hadn't heard... most National Parks are not dog friendly and don't allow dogs on trails that aren't paved. Bummer. At least I did know this going in to this trip). 

But back to finding camp spots... the first trial was in eastern Colorado, where we (my friend A and I) realized we were to get a few inches of snow overnight. So we abandoned the plan for the spot I had marked (Campendium app, you have been a life-saver!) and aimed toward something that might not be back a long dirt road with the possibility of being snowed in. First try: Love's travel stop. But the car parking area said “no overnight parking” and the back lot was full of tractor-trailers. And I felt like a bug in the middle of them all and not exactly keen on spending the night in this lot. Second try: a state park campground. By the time we drove there, it was snowing, the campground was pretty deserted, it was all open land with shelters that were facing the wrong way for the wind, and on top of the camping fee, Colorado likes to charge a $10 per day vehicle fee. So another $20 on top of staying there for the night. We declined. Third try: Wal-Mart parking lot. Which is where we stayed for the night, cooking outside in the dark and the snow. Couldn't set up my portable potty, but at least before 10:00pm and after 7:00am we had access to a warm bathroom and running water! 

Attempting to cook dinner in the Wal-Mart parking lot while it snowed around us

Then 2 nights later in a very touristy town in Colorado (which was beautiful – the “Switzerland of America”), the spot I found was a few miles up the road – literally up, into the mountains. Thus, being April in Colorado mountains, we arrived to find the drive covered in several inches of snow. Nope, not attempting that in this vehicle. Drove back to town and NOWHERE allows overnight parking. Even with the threat “to be reported to the sheriff”. I was exhausted by this time and just wanted a spot to stop and be for the night. Only RV campgrounds in the town, which can be so expensive, and the one that wasn't as pricey was closed for the season. A was ready to drive back an hour to the spot from the night before, but I was so not in the mood to spend that time. I was done. So we ended up pulling into an RV camp, where the lady was kind enough to give a small discount for car camping (not using the electric). In the end, it was a good choice, since we also had access to laundry facilities AND they let us use the code to get back into the bathhouse the following day after our hike so we could shower. Maggie also got a shower, since she thoroughly enjoyed the hike, evidenced by the cakes of mud on her feet. (side note: it's complicated to wash a dog in a shower with no removable shower head. The water stream at the floor is not powerful enough to do much, so I ended up holding her and scrubbing her at the same time. As I said: complicated.)

View from the RV camp: also not bad :)

And then the following night, we drove to gorgeous spot overlooking snow-capped mountains, but was at an altitude of 8800 feet, which A didn't think she would handle very well. So we kept driving toward the next town, gradually losing elevation but still in National Forest area, hoping for a forest road we could pull off on. But as it was closer to town, it also became more populated. We drove road after road and nothing for probably an hour. Eventually, one last effort on Missionary Ridge Rd, some houses were at the beginning the road and then a sign “Private property next 1.5 miles. No camping”. So camping must be allowed! Three miles back and up we found a little pull-off and claimed it. And it was beautiful. One of the best camping views we've had.

And finally, leaving Mesa Verde National Park and heading into Utah, there is almost literally nothing. It becomes desert. Mesas and desert shrubs and more mesas and more desert shrubs. In looking for any camp spot, it seemed there were 2 options: a casino parking lot or a campground a little farther away for $15, first come, first served. We opted for the campground. Drove through the 4 corners (unfortunately closed, including Grandma's Frybread Shack, which I was really looking forward to! Apparently all Native American sites are currently closed). So the most we can say is that we were in 4 different states within half an hour. And then drove up a long, barren road for miles and more miles. And where my app said there should have been a campground... more barrenness. Hmmm... I also did not have cell signal at this point, so no data to figure out where it should have been. We had to keep driving, and fortunately got enough signal to search for the campground and find it... another 45 minutes from where we were. And it was already quite full by the time we got there – maybe 2 spots left out of 27. But also pretty. And for the very first time, we weren't freezing to cook dinner and could even stay outside in the evening to have a mini fire! Thank you, Utah, for warmer temps. But no thanks for the upcoming WINDY nights we experienced... but that's another story.

supposed spot of the Utah campground.... jk, I don't think I took a picture of the marked location, but it was something like this minus the picturesque mesa in the background

singleness journey: the Kitchen Aid

It's somewhat of a tradition within my family that for a wedding present you receive a Kitchen Aid. I guess it's one of those items that, because of cost, a wedding provides a justification to spend that much money or combine efforts to gift such an item. And I know for a fact that this isn't unique to my family; I know of several others for whom this is the case. 

December 2019, as my parents were visiting me in Prague and I was mixing some kind of cookie dough (because some US Christmas cookies are always necessary and it's an easy gift to bring to holiday gatherings), I was lamenting (or perhaps closer to expressing frustration and complaining) the unfairness of this tradition. Here I am, single, never having “the reason” to be gifted a Kitchen Aid, when most, if not all my married siblings and cousins probably have one. And it's possible that I have reason to use it more than most of them, because a huge part of ministry in my context is hosting, taking food to events, giving food gifts, etc.... US baked goods are unique and a treat. :) This sometimes makes planning and giving easier (brownies and cookies always welcome), but every time I bake and use my cheap little hand mixer that sprays flour all over the counter and myself, my frustration is present. 

Because why is it that “the wedding” suddenly makes you worthy of receiving all the gifts you wouldn't buy for yourself? Why is it that celebration comes down to celebrating the social norms - the wedding, the baby, the new house...? What happens for those who don't have any of those? Who, either by their own choice or the way life has fallen, are unmarried, childless, forever living in a rental? To be truly authentic, I've struggled with this in the past few years. As more and more friends get married, have their first child or buy a house, the world “sees” them and celebrates with them. It's what's normal. It's expected. It's celebrated. Me, I feel like I'm rarely seen. Rarely celebrated. Never have a reason to be celebrated. And expected to be with everyone else in their celebration. Now, I usually WANT to celebrate with others, but celebrating time after time with someone else is a constant reminder that I am never seen as the reason for celebration.

Now I have some wonderful friends and family who have seen me and have celebrated me well. A going away party last summer before I traveled to the US for an extended period. A birthday party hosted by my sister when I have the rare occasion to be in the States for my birthday. I've felt seen, wanted and affirmed by them. 

And yet there is a piece of me that, come another wedding or baby shower, laments what isn't. The cultural views of a “normal life” haven't happened for me yet. Part of me feels very selfish in sharing this... because shouldn't I just be happy with everyone else? Isn't it prideful to want to be seen and celebrated with? Is it me wanting attention, to be noticed? I wish I could be in a place where I'm joyfully celebrating with others with no thought of myself. But often I'm not. Generally joyful with others, yes. With no thought of myself, generally no. Sure, ideally I could simply give and love and trust that God is meeting me in what is not. I at the very least take it to him; the feelings of insignificance and often, what feels like invisibility in family-oriented cultures. Among friends, family, and even the church. 

But every one of us has desires. Desires that are good. Desires that reflect God and his desires. Because God desires to be noticed and seen. He desires to be celebrated. And as created in his image, these desires he also put in us. Yes, he asks me to surrender these desires and seek them in him, be satisfied in him first and foremost. But it doesn't mean that I can't desire them and occasionally have them in my physical world and community. 

As a single woman watching the world around me celebrate with these progressions in others' lives, I long for a world in which marriage and children were not the only cultural ideals. For a world where these were not milestones and elevated above being single, childless or owning property. For a world in which every person could be seen and celebrated for any reason. 

I share all of this to be authentic and to hopefully raise awareness and sensitivity for the people we care about around us. I'm not asking for pity or a next celebration (though I'm always looking for something else to look forward to :) ). Rather I'd love for a broader awareness and potentially, a shift in perspective. Traditionally our culture has celebrated these big milestones. It's also somewhat created a culture where those it hasn't happened for can feel left behind or even less than. It's hugely unfortunate, because I don't think that's anyone's intent. But it has happened. So what can we do and how can we respond? 

I doubt we're going to change the huge celebrations of a wedding or baby shower anytime soon. That's not necessarily necessary (though living in another culture for the past years, I can tell you that they are WAY less emphasized, built up and consumeristic than in the US). But I do want to share a few more concrete ideas of what awareness might look like. If you have single friends in your sphere, maybe these pieces would be helpful. 

I am also very aware that these come from MY experience and desires and may not fit every single person. If you are single, I would love to hear and gain from your experience – what resonates and what doesn't? Please leave a message in the comments! And if you have single friends, ask them what they would appreciate. These may not fit everyone.

For me, these are a few ideas of what awareness and sensitivity could look like:

• Just ask. I'm sometimes annoyed that talking with single people (or maybe childess couples) feels taboo. Yes, I recognize it can be a sensitive subject. So instead of assuming (i.e. "When is it your turn?"), start by exploring... "Where is your heart regarding singleness? What are your hopes? What are the challenges and joys"

• At the next wedding or baby shower or celebration of a “norm” that you recognize someone else is not experiencing, take the time to notice them. And again, ask. “How are you experiencing this (fill in the blank)?” This tells me that I'm seen and someone cares.

• This may not completely fill the desires of a single person, but take the time to celebrate them and the pieces that ARE happening in their life. A promotion. The purchase of a house. Birthdays. Celebration in accordance with their personality, of course. :) The single person does not have the built-in other to initiate something for them. 

  
  

Shortly after Christmas 2019, I received a message from my parents: the family wanted to give me money to buy a Kitchen Aid for myself. I don't know what conspired to make that happen, but in that moment I felt seen. I felt a family valuing me for who I am, what I do and where I am in life rather than the societal norm of valuing a wedding and spouse and marriage. Getting the mixer was another story (basically, it costs 3x as much in the Czech and so picked one up on a trip to Germany, where friends graciously let me send it to their address there). But the sentiment was huge and I'll be reminded of its significance every time I bake – as will happen many times over for guests and parties and holidays... Anything is reason for American treats. :)