In the season of Lent I've often felt led toward a discipline of some kind. In my current season of some deep uncertainties, I'm struggling to connect with a "fast" that felt appropriate and doable. I know, fasting from something shouldn't necessarily feel "doable." Some of the point is to trust God to do something in the midst of what I'm giving up, right? To heighten my awareness of my need for him. When I'm in a good place, that can feel healthy. Spiritual. Meaningful. When I'm already in a lot of turmoil .... well, let's just say it might not be a good time to try to find out.
But a friend on Facebook posted a blog (here if you want to read it) which felt inspiring and positive in this season, when the state of the world does not feel hopeful and when personally I'm thinking about a transition back to Prague that includes a lot of fear and unknowns. The challenge: look for beauty and goodness (essentially). Look for the fingerprint of God. I need the discipline to lift my eyes from navel-gazing to something much better. I'm a little late getting started, but here goes - to be added to (hopefully) daily:
Thursday, February 19: (2 for today since I neglected to start on Ash Wednesday)
Delighting in a niece making all the animal noises as she pulls each animal out of a box, one by one. Especially the hippo. 😄
Also: sister who bought Wicked: for Good so that I could see it before I fly back to Prague.
Friday, February 20: Multiple comments at a weekend retreat of, "I heard you postponed your flight to be here - that will be such a blessing to your team!" or "Thanks for postponing your return to be here." The value of being seen.
Saturday, February 21:
Sunday, February 22:
One last PA snow
Monday, February 23
Joy and creativity of little minds to decorate for Maggie's birthday party
Tuesday, February 24:
A cancelled flight which enabled us to get out and walk in suburbia DC while we waited for the rebooked flight 2.5 hours later than expected
Wednesday, February 25:
Mountains!!! Flying along the Alps half the way from Zurich to Prague.
Thursday, February 26:
A doctor visit that went relatively smoothly with staff that were nice (definitely not always a given), considering almost all the communication with multiple nurses was in Czech and I wasn't sure how these first conversations in Czech would go after being out of the country for so long.
Friday, February 27:
A welcome back gift from a friend that is already giving some spring beauty
Saturday, February 28:
Being able to dig deep with a friend on a hike
Sunday, March 1:
Full heart as I was greeted by multiple people at church who knew I was gone and were excited to welcome me back.
Monday, March 2:
The gift of a friend sharing her process of needing to work independently and helping me sort out what may help. And offering mutual accountability.
Tuesday, March 3:
Being recognized and welcomed back at choir rehearsal by people I know only very superficially
Wednesday, March 4:
A beautiful day to work outside
Thursday, March 5:
Decorating for spring, including the kraslice (decorated Easter eggs) that's I've collected over the years. I enjoy their beauty!
Friday, March 6:
Tiredness and muscle soreness of being active.
Saturday, March 7:
A two year old unafraid to come up to me and wrap her arms around my neck, even though she hasn't seen me in 6 months and can't remember my name 😂
Sunday, March 8:
A tiny bit of gardening and color for the balcony
Monday, March 9:
A somewhat spontaneous invite to walk which helped pull me out of a discouraging funk.
Tuesday, March 10:
Life emerging!
Wednesday, March 11:
An encouraging conversation with a friend about possibility and exploring new trails in familiar spaces: a couple of trails I've never walked through Prokopske udoli
Thursday, March 12:
Only 5 hour difference for classes (US changed time, we don't change time till the end of March), which means that my last class ends at 10pm instead of 11pm this week.
Friday, March 13:
Worker at IKEA approaching me at the end of a long line at the register and asking if I'll pay cash or card. When I said cash, she said, "Well, it doesn't matter - come with me!" and proceeded to ring up all my items at the self-service register in the grocery section.
Saturday, March 14
A moment with a fellow hiker as we admired a huge patches of snowdrops.
Sunday, March 15
Being able to laugh while playing a game with church friends - even while losing horribly because it was a word game in Czech. Good for release of competitiveness :)
Monday, March 16
The sweetest Ukrainian ladies, some of whom have been through hell, giving hugs at a refugee center even though I'm a stranger.
Tuesday, March 17
Czechs treats at choir practice; the ladies brought their own treats for their birthdays and they are so intricate!
Wednesday, March 18
Work together on English camp and excitement for what this could be - along with an invitation to dinner :)
Thursday, March 19
Spring buds
Friday, March 20
A welcome spontaneous invitation to meet some friends, since no other plans for the weekend had worked out with others
Saturday, March 21
A guy who interacted with Maggie each time we passed each other on a hike
Sunday, March 22
A chance to wander around Easter markets and try some different food like Georgian style pizza (I can't remember what it was called, but it was yummy!). Also, zoom in on the straw design on those eggs - incredible!
Monday, March 23
The doctor's office that I go to operates in English and Czech; a lot of foreigners go there and my appointments are usually in English, including with the doctor I saw today. I responded to a question during our conversation with "dobrý" (good), and the doctor immediately says, "Oh, you speak Czech!" And continues to explain (in Czech) that she doesn't know other English speakers who have learned Czech. Then says, "Klobouk dolů!" (hats off to you), which is really quite a compliment. And finished our appointment completely in Czech. It's encouraging to be reminded that making the effort makes an impact on Czechs.
Tuesday, March 24
Another birthday at choir, this time with a hedgehog cake since the director's last name (whose birthday it was) is Czech "hedgehog" and chance to chat with one of the girls who lives in Prague on the bus ride home.
Wednesday, March 25
Invitation to stay for dinner when picking up something from a friend - and tickled that her son understands so much English and was translated everything I said into Czech
Thursday, March 26
Breakfast date and witnessing God's goodness in another's journey
Friday, March 27
A walk with a friend and realizing that though our situations are different, we are both experiencing a wilderness type of season and then being able to pray together over it.
Saturday, March 28
Finding my favorite soda (apricot Kofola) in the corner convenience store
Sunday, March 29
Green rolling hills
Monday, March 30
A quick, simple meeting to sign my tax return - and being told that what I owe is significantly less than last year!
Tuesday, March 31
Running into a woman who I interacted with a lot years ago when she attended English conversation and I taught her (at that time) 5 year old son English. Her son is now 14 and English proficient. It was a joy to see her and catch up.
Wednesday, April 1
Decorating eggs the Czech way with Czechs who have never done it 😄
Thursday, April 2
Maggie interacting with another dog, both tails wagging enthusiastically.
Friday, April 3
Going to a Good Friday service and being unexpectedly delighted to discover a choir singing a version of the 7 Last Words of Christ from the Cross
Saturday, April 4
Easter gathering with team, yummy food and more eggs
(written in February 2024 - posted much later :) )
Coincidentally (or maybe not) on Valentine's Day I was reading for an assignment in a missions class about what the author called "coupling." The text was focused on the story of Ananias and Sapphira - not a typical text related to relationships. We know the story... they sell land but keep part of the profit for themselves, while telling the apostles that they gave the whole amount. And then they both die. (What?!? But that bizarre moment isn't the focus here.) The more obvious themes to teach on are truthfulness or giving or sacrifice... But this reading (Acts: by Jennings ) went a completely different way: judgement on their desire to be separate from the body and enjoy independence and individuality as a couple. Never had I heard this approach, and at first read his thoughts on coupling and the life of the community seemed rather extreme. In Western culture where marriage and family are prioritized, it felt in complete opposition to all exhortation to protect the intimacy of the marriage and time with the family.
At the same time, as a single person living in Western culture, I feel rather profoundly the effect of coupling and the way it can leave others on the outside. A couple can be invited to a couple, a family to a family, but it seems rarely a single person into a couple or family. When on the weekend or holiday a couple naturally has a partner, where does this leave the single person? Has marriage become an idol, an object of worship, to the exclusion of others, or the exclusion of others who are in different circumstances? Time internally focused becoming higher priority than love for the body? Honestly, sometimes I've felt that. As Jennings writes, the spotlight gets turned to couples and anyone outside of that feels somewhat alienated (57).
It's true that even the church tells couples to prioritize their marriage, the spouse should come after God and before all others. We've moved into an era of protecting our own boundaries for the sake of health - individually, marital, familial. Balance and well-bring are key words. There are pieces of this that are probably healthy. Is this biblical? Our culture would say so. And I'm not denying that time is needed as a couple or as a family. It is important. You need those moments to regroup, reconnect in the midst of busy lives. But have we taken it too far? If disciples should be living in intimacy with the triune God and each other, how does this happen? It often feels like that intimacy is relegated to marriage or to very specific times and places. Ongoing intimacy is not readily available to those outside of the couple.
My extended family has holiday celebrations together and quite often an uncle or aunt shows up with guests in tow. "I invited so and so," they say, knowing my mom (who always hosts), wouldn't mind. "Oh, that's fine," she replies. "We have plenty of food and we'll just set more places at the table." Often these guests are honored to be invited in. Because how often do families invite "strangers", someone the whole family doesn't know, for Thanksgiving dinner or Easter lunch? My perception is that it's unusual. But I love that my family is open to this, wanting others to have a place to be and to belong for the day. It's hospitality that is welcoming. And no, this isn't intimacy, but intimacy has to begin with openness to allow others into life.
And as I write on Valentine's day, this feels even more relevant. We live in a culture that has put romantic love on a pedestal, and even the dear St. Valentine was not even married! I appreciate the words, “Our obsession with coupling has served as a way to avoid the ecclesial work of forming intimate community, and it has drained the church of the deep riches of its own ...intimate life...” (Jennings, 58).
First question: Has the body relegated intimacy to marriage? (And just to clarify, I mean intimacy in the sense of depth of connection.) Very possibly. I've been in the context of what felt like true Christian intimacy only a couple of times, and it felt like the way the body of Christ should function. But it was in the context of a specific study (plug for Battle for the Heart inserted here! Check it out), and outside of that I have not experienced it the same way. The intimacy of fellowship within daily life, of communing together at a deep emotional or spiritual level generally is not present.
Second question: Is it because coupling is a way to avoid it within the body? Maybe. It's "supposed" to happen within marriage, your partner should be your closest confidant and mutual encourager, or so it seems is the general message of the church. True vulnerability is relegated to between the couple. But I don't think this was meant to exclude other intimate relationships. In fact, we need depth of relationships with those of our same gender - and I would propose that single people need those kind of relationships with both genders! Let's be honest -I'm curious how many of you would say intimacy with your partner is sufficient? I find that hard to believe that that would be the case, since I recognize that marriage does meet all of one's needs and too often I've heard a spouse express how lonely they feel. But I can believe that the marriage gives the excuse that it doesn't need to happen elsewhere. Or that there is a general fear, outside of marriage and maybe even within marriage to enter into the vulnerability that intimacy requires.
What is the invitation for believers and the church to belonging to each other? To vulnerability and spiritual intimacy in contexts outside of marriage? This means letting go of a little bit of our tendency towardindividualization and independence on which Western culture (and especially US culture) was built. But I think it could be beautiful, connecting, fulfilling. I wonder what opening parts of our lives to allow others in might look like. To allow others into the mess - physically into the chaos of a non-picked-up house or emotionally and spiritually into the mess of turmoil and questions. If the body is truly the body, no one should feel on the outside.
A new art project appeared on the walls of the underpass by my metro stop this year. Often these spaces get filled up with random graffiti, so I was surprised that an intentional project was underway.
Apparently there are a few exhibits like this around Prague, with the goal of showcasing art outside of galleries and connecting society when it may seem like we all live in isolation. This exhibit focuses on gender inclusivity and asks such questions as
How does your gender impact your life and work?
What would you wish for men? For women?
How free do you feel to express your emotions?
These questions were posted online and people could anonymously answer, and then these questions and an assortment of answers were painted on the walls.
Do you think that public spaces are inclusive enough?
In what way do you wish that the opposite gender would relate to you differently?
These can be somewhat controversial topics; immediately after this exhibit went up, signs were put up which invited people to sign a petition to have it taken down. I'm not sure what the reasoning was, but I am curious. Besides just being able to hear (see) what responses people have to these questions, one of the elements that resonated with me was an invitation to listening and curiosity. In this public space is a statement that these type of social topics can polarize us and that good communication is the key to overcoming divisions, offering these steps:
Carefully listen: misunderstanding arises when we don't try to understand another's point of view. Ask for clarification why the other thinks the way they do.
Try to understand: use empathy and try to understand the emotions and perspective of the other person.
Find emotional regulation: strong emotions negatively impact our communication. Communicate that you need to take a step away and breathe to calm yourself if you notice strong emotions arising in yourself.
I found myself saying, "yes, yes, yes!" to what was being presented by this exhibit. It's more than the topic itself, though I think it is important. More so, I love that they're trying to communicate the diversity we bring - to show us that our opinion and perspective may be represented even when we don't see it around us - and to invite us to healthy discussion. In the midst of enormous polarization in the US right now, I found myself longing for more of these principles to be practiced. To become aware that another may have significant reasons for their perspective. Listening attentively does not mean agreement. It doesn't mean we need to try to convince the other to come to our side. But listening and asking clarifying questions communicates respect and acknowledges that there is often so much below the surface that we don't see or understand.
One other piece that breaks my heart is the amount of statements that carry a lot of weight with them.
Most of the time I'm not at ease, but I would like to be.
I like Prague very much, but somehow I have the feeling that we're all strangers here.
I don't know what tomorrow will be like, but maybe it will be better.
In the majority of life situations I'm a very submissive person and it can be exhausting and humiliating.
Often I feel empty inside, but I'm trying to work on it so that I don't unnecessarily suffer with it. I forget about everything and when I walk after work, I always look everywhere for small white squares of poetry (these are little stickers around Prague that apparently are meaningful for this man).
It's obvious that people look for something more and desire something more out of life and community. My heart goes out to all those who suffer, who want more from life, who feel lost and broken. These reminders which I pass every day heighten my prayers for the God of love and compassion, who cares for the brokenhearted, to be revealed and known. I long for them to find fulfillment in the only One who can truly satisfy.
I'm not sure what the block has been in writing blog posts in the past couple of years. I generally enjoy the creativity with writing, but maybe sometimes I put pressure on myself to write something meaningful and it takes too much time or brain energy to do it. But after being reminded recently that this has not been updated in a while, I thought I'd at least upload something.
I'll sometimes post some pictures on Instagram, but for those who aren't there, I have various scenic pictures of walking or running in the area where I live. Though I live in a large city, the area where I am has a number of options to get away from apartment buildings and it can almost feel like the countryside instead of the city. So enjoy the nature near me through the seasons!
So glad for some grass and trees right below our building.
Overlooking my neighborhood
Ok, this one isn't immediately near me, but still Czech countryside not far away!
