What is it about sickness and pain* that turns a normal, happy week into a self-absorbed black hole? I know pain is our bodies way of saying, "Hey, pay attention! Something's not right here!" And yet it the midst of it, my self responds, "I can't do anything BUT pay attention to you and I don't know how to make it better!" Maybe I'm just a wimp when it comes to being sick. My devotional tells me to give thanks for the challenges. I can give thanks: for the opportunity to stay in bed. But to give thanks for the headache and nausea and no one to bring me juice so I don't get dehydrated... I struggle with that. I struggle to lift my head out of how I feel now. I struggle to choose joy. I struggle to not let my thoughts spiral down into self-pity and depression and suck all the life and hope out of me. Emerging from a few days of sickness feels like coming out of a black hole in which I've drowned myself.
I know the devil knows my weaknesses in all this and uses it to his full advantage. In opposition, I need to look beyond the moment to what I can trust God for. His presence with me. Peace. Healing. A fully restored body, if not today or tomorrow or this week or next week, at the very least one day in heaven. That will be glorious.
Until then, I will sip this apple juice and give thanks for it. And give thanks for the opportunity to rest, to rely on God's strength and to be blessed by his faithfulness throughout the day. He is Sovereign and he is beside me, even in the black hole.
*note: I'm feeling fairly well at the moment, but I've been pondering this for the past couple days as I've been recovering from a travel bug and have other health issues that occasionally cause problems/pain.
Thanks for sharing from your heart and being honest about the struggle! It is all too easy to get sucked into that black hole during sickness and other hard times. I have been there myself before! Praying you through for healing of your physical ailments and that your spirit would continue to be lifted and turned Heaven-ward and the enemy would have no power over you. Trusting that God will hold you close during the uncertainty with these health issues and pain. Love you!
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