Not your everyday graffiti

A new art project appeared on the walls of the underpass by my metro stop this year. Often these spaces get filled up with random graffiti, so I was surprised that an intentional project was underway. 

Apparently there are a few exhibits like this around Prague, with the goal of showcasing art outside of galleries and connecting society when it may seem like we all live in isolation. This exhibit focuses on gender inclusivity and asks such questions as

• How does your gender impact your life and work?
• What would you wish for men? For women?
• How free do you feel to express your emotions? 

These questions were posted online and people could anonymously answer, and then these questions and an assortment of answers were painted on the walls.

Do you think that public spaces are inclusive enough?

In what way do you wish that the opposite gender would relate to you differently?

These can be somewhat controversial topics; immediately after this exhibit went up, signs were put up which invited people to sign a petition to have it taken down. I'm not sure what the reasoning was, but I am curious. Besides just being able to hear (see) what responses people have to these questions, one of the elements that resonated with me was an invitation to listening and curiosity. In this public space is a statement that these type of social topics can polarize us and that good communication is the key to overcoming divisions, offering these steps: 

1. Carefully listen: misunderstanding arises when we don't try to understand another's point of view. Ask for clarification why the other thinks the way they do.
2. Try to understand: use empathy and try to understand the emotions and perspective of the other person.
3. Find emotional regulation: strong emotions negatively impact our communication. Communicate that you need to take a step away and breathe to calm yourself if you notice strong emotions arising in yourself.

I found myself saying, "yes, yes, yes!" to  what was being presented by this exhibit. It's more than the topic itself, though I think it is important. More so, I love that they're trying to communicate the diversity we bring - to show us that our opinion and perspective may be represented even when we don't see it around us - and to invite us to healthy discussion. In the midst of enormous polarization in the US right now, I found myself longing for more of these principles to be practiced. To become aware that another may have significant reasons for their perspective. Listening attentively does not mean agreement. It doesn't mean we need to try to convince the other to come to our side. But listening and asking clarifying questions communicates respect and acknowledges that there is often so much below the surface that we don't see or understand. 

One other piece that breaks my heart is the amount of statements that carry a lot of weight with them. 

Most of the time I'm not at ease, but I would like to be.

I like Prague very much, but somehow I have the feeling that we're all strangers here.

I don't know what tomorrow will be like, but maybe it will be better.

In the majority of life situations I'm a very submissive person and it can be exhausting and humiliating.

Often I feel empty inside, but I'm trying to work on it so that I don't unnecessarily suffer with it. I forget about everything and when I walk after work, I always look everywhere for small white squares of poetry (these are little stickers around Prague that apparently are meaningful for this man).

It's obvious that people look for something more and desire something more out of life and community. My heart goes out to all those who suffer, who want more from life, who feel lost and broken. These reminders which I pass every day heighten my prayers for the God of love and compassion, who cares for the brokenhearted, to be revealed and known. I long for them to find fulfillment in the only One who can truly satisfy.

My neighborhood nature

 I'm not sure what the block has been in writing blog posts in the past couple of years. I generally enjoy the creativity with writing, but maybe sometimes I put pressure on myself to write something meaningful and it takes too much time or brain energy to do it. But after being reminded recently that this has not been updated in a while, I thought I'd at least upload something.

 I'll sometimes post some pictures on Instagram, but for those who aren't there, I have various scenic pictures of walking or running in the area where I live. Though I live in a large city, the area where I am has a number of options to get away from apartment buildings and it can almost feel like the countryside instead of the city. So enjoy the nature near me through the seasons!

So glad for some grass and trees right below our building.

Overlooking my neighborhood

Ok, this one isn't immediately near me, but still Czech countryside not far away!

10 years and going...

August 17 was the 10 year anniversary of my arrival to the Czech Republic. I don't remember the day, but Facebook tells me it was so, so apparently it's true. Supposedly I went shopping at IKEA to buy necessities for my flat (like bed linens and kitchen supplies) and in order to stay awake as long as possible to help with jet leg. And then ate at McDonald's (why, I have no idea. Today McDonald's would be one of my last choices, except when I might want their specific fries :) )

I had no idea what I was doing in this culture. I didn't know a lick of Czech. It took 3 hours to grocery shop because I was google-translating words on food labels to make sure I knew what I was buying. I couldn't picture linen sizes in cm for my single bed and I'm sure I asked my teammate dozens of questions about what I needed to do and how to do it - initial registration with the Czech police, setting up a Czech bank account, getting around Prague, how to find public transport schedules, etc. I hired a guy to help me get my initial one-year visa and after that, my long-term residence permit.

So much has happened since those first weeks and months of this journey...

I've been yelled at for not having a muzzle for Maggie and almost denied entrance to the bus for it. 
I've also been mistaken for a Czech and been told that I have no accent. 
I've had eyes rolled at me when I don't understand.
I've been treated so kindly by the receptionist at the doctor (who personally escorted me to other offices) when she knows I don't always understand. 

I've been shamed when I don't automatically "know" correct procedures, like that this office is only open on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I've also explored trails and areas in Prague that even locals have told me they haven't been to.
I've used informal language for strangers with whom I should speak formally and have spoken to men as if they're female (the problem with gender-specific verbs).
I've been told my personality is more Czech than American.
I've been accused of stealing when I walked into a store with candy in a bag (on a way to a class) and then walked out without buying anything (they made me pay again for the candy I had bought there the week before).

I've been embarrassed.
At times I've failed. 
But I've adapted. 
I've adjusted. 
I've grown. 

Today, I can pretty much handle my residence permit on my own (I have to reapply every two years). I've set up a new bank account by myself (that was a proud day, even if it was a process). I understand labels on food products (though still don't understand the difference between some of the soft cheese/milk products that only Europeans or Czechs use). I know my height in cm, my weight in kg and the temperature in C. I love my Czech map app and even recommend it to Americans for finding hiking trails :) (it's super good at showing trails - much better than google) and drive using Czech GPS instructions.

I've experienced significant loss.  I've been blessed by significant gain. I've come to love this place as my home. And I still often feel like a foreigner. I carry a fairly constant tension between two dichotomies, and yet in this world it seems we will always carry these side by side:

Grief and Joy

Loss and Gain

Loneliness and Connection

Failure and Success

Naivety and Knowledge

Helplessness and Accomplishment

Anxiety and Confidence

Foreign and Home

I have stories for all of these. You probably do, too. And I realize that every story and even the past 10 years is just part of the pilgrimage I'm on. According to Pete Greig, pilgrimage is a journey into the unknown with God in search of God, and I see it in my story and my experience. Usually a pilgrimage is about a destination or special experience, after which you return to daily life. But since earth is not my home, isn't my life a pilgrimage of its own? Every day is a step into the unknown; another leg of the journey of noticing beauty and how God shows up in the dichotomies of life. And if life is a pilgrimage in search of God, this journey leads to the final destination of eternity with him, where he is ultimately found. In this earthly life I will never experience the fullness of him. But I grow closer through the challenges and goodness of experiences along this life-long pilgrimage until I reach that final destination. And so I hold it all and keep walking and noticing. What is around that next corner?

between two homes

Two worlds.
Both home; neither fully home.

One, I leave. 
The place where I grew up. 
Family, all close by. 
Wednesday family nights. 

Niece and nephews who have grandma and grandpa to be regular babysitters. 

Regular presence. Togetherness.

Familiarity of old routines and relationships.
My bedroom; changed and yet unchanged
Sweet peaches with juice that runs down your arm. Summer sweet corn and fresh garden tomatoes. Produce from the garden all summer long.
A back porch beautiful for sitting and eating and computer work.
Backyard sanctuary perfect for a hammock and a book. 

Views of field and sunsets, not to be taken for granted again.

And at the same time foreign.
What app? What show? I don't know that store.
That gathering sounds fun. I'm sorry I missed it. Grieving not being part of that vacation and that inside joke.
Feeling foreign. 

Eyes glazed over at options in the grocery store.

“Umm, use my dad's phone number. I don't have a US phone number.”
“Where do I put my card in this machine?”
Feeling like I need to explain my ignorance...“I'm sorry, I don't normally live here.”
“Hi, good to see you again. Can you remind me of your name?” Many who know me and I regrettably don't know in return. 
Closets full of stored and long-forgotten items... where these mine? Will I ever use this again?

Sugar, sugar, sugar. That tea I used to love and everyone else does love? “I'm sorry, it just tastes way too sweet for me now.”
But whoopie pies and Lancaster Cupcake and Aunt Lorie's chocolate cake with peanut butter icing… I'll still take them :)

One, I go to.
A flat where my belongings reside. My blankets, my candles, my twinkle lights. 
Space of my own.
A place of rhythm and routine, which will now need to be reshaped.
Back to a kitchen where I know where everything is. 
A shelf full of tea that is familiar and well-loved.
Keys to a car and I don't need to think about who else might need them today.

But really, not much driving. Much more walking and movement. 

Fields with paths already worn in in which to walk Maggie. 
Friends who know my life – at least individual pieces of my life. Have experienced my ups and downs more closely with me over the past years.

And still foreign.
A language I'm still learning to speak and is not my own. "I'm sorry, once more."
Phone call. Anxiety every time on the phone in Czech.
Google translate. Still lots of google translate.
Adjustment. What do I need to remember about life here?
What metro stop do I get off for the doctor? Oh yeah, that one.
Weekly and sometimes daily: “Do I know how to do this here? Will I be able to communicate well enough?”
Communication. Initiating. “Hey, I'm back in Prague. Do you want to meet”?

More often, loneliness.
Explaining my summer. No, it wasn't holiday. Yes, I still rested.
     Or not. Did anyone notice I was gone?

Love of both.
Chore in both.
Gratefulness and heaviness. 
Learning to embrace what is and grieve what isn't.

be a Maggie

 I've long had insecurity issues. From the outside it may not always look like it, but inside I'm asking, "Who wants to talk to me? What should I say? Do they really want me here, or am I just a presence they put up with?" Several years ago God was doing a good work in me of reminding me of who he says I am.  I felt more self-confidence to enter social and cultural situations and be myself. But pieces of that were stolen from me in the past year or two and I'm finally starting to reconnect with it again.

As I was going through a study over the past months with a small group, God drew my attention to Maggie. Maggie loves people. Well, she loves adults - she's a little uncertain about little people. :) But with adults, she uninhibitedly approaches them with a joyful trot and wagging tail, expecting that she'll be appreciated. Anyone who has met Maggie can vouch for this. The adult has the choice to receive what she offers (her joy and affection) or not. And if not, Maggie is unconcerned. She simply walks away, looking for the next person who might appreciate what she's offering. 

Hear me, I'm not judging those of you who don't appreciate Maggie or dogs in general - I get it. I'm not really a dog person. Only a Maggie person 😄 But this attitude inspires me right now. What if I truly believe that God has created me with something to offer others? What if I approach situations not from a self-focus of "am I wanted?", but at least start with believing that maybe I AM wanted? What if I enter not questioning God's image in me, but with the confidence that God sees what is in me and delights in the blessing it will be to those who want to see it? How would I feel and how would it impact others to come in not seeking to be accepted, but knowing that what the other thinks doesn't ultimately matter? That God has put something in me (and in each of us) that will draw other people in if I let his unique image in me flow out naturally.

Maggie doesn't have these inhibitions. I love the way she is extravagantly excited to see others and assumes that she'll be wanted. Undoubtably she's more of an extrovert than I am. But extrovert or not, I can still enter any situation with the same attitude of trusting God's image in me. Not in pride, but in awe and honor to carry that image. There is a remarkable freedom in this posture and Maggie is my inspiration. 

Be a Maggie. There's something in each one of us to offer. 

a task in the life of a foreigner

 

Life always has its challenges. Life in another culture has its unique challenges. Many of these involve trips to the foreign police, township offices, etc. in order to resolve housing issues, visas, registrations of dogs... and normally needing to be completed in Czech. So it’s become a habit, after accomplishing one of these visits or tasks, to celebrate. It deserves a reward: for having been brave, managing in a foreign language through systems that are unknown and sometimes utterly confusing. 

This reward was the result of a 3 week process to register Maggie in my new district of Prague. I’m aware that I need to pay a dog fee and had email instructions on where to go and how to receive a number to wait to be called to the appropriate office. When I finally entered the office, the woman asked for proof of residency, and I showed her my rental contract (as I had nothing else with my current address), to which she replied, “Anyone could have that on their computer. That’s not enough”. Funny, though, because the very same document I sent to the Ministry of the Interior to officially change my address with the state. They just don’t give me any document with the new address. After trying to explain that I don’t have any other proof of residence and that I wasn’t sure where to get what she was asking for, I left exasperated. Here I am, trying to have integrity and make an effort to come and give you money for the dog that is now living in your district, and you’re telling me you won’t accept my money because you don’t believe that I live here!

 So leaving the office discouraged and completely at a loss as to how to get some official proof of residence (after which I went home and complained to my roommate and she called the same office to be told exactly the same thing), I called the Ministry of the Interior to see if they could tell me what to do. These calls are often terrifying - I’m never sure if I’ll understand the conversation. But by the grace of God a man answered who spoke beautiful English, was able to tell me what I needed and scheduled an appointment for the following week.

Now, the ministry office I have to go to according to my district in Prague is not close. Don’t ask me why, but it’s on the other end of Prague (whereas the office for those living in the district right next to me is infinitely closer). So to go to any appointment at this office takes a good half-day. Fortunately this appointment itself lasted all of 3 minutes, and I left with a stamp in my passport reflecting my current address. But the whole afternoon process took 3 hours.

And then I needed to go back to the district office with my proof of residence. The office is only open Mondays and Wednesday, so the priority Monday was to get Maggie’s registration accomplished. This time the woman was satisfied with my proof of residence and then proceeded to tell me that I would pay when I receive the “složenka”. Now, I have no idea what a složenka is. I don’t pay today? No. Will it come by email? No. And then she showed me an envelope. Aha. It will come by mail. And after my bemused expression and her diagraming it on a scrap piece of paper, I understood that I’ll pay for the remaining months in 2021, and then semi-annually. So I left with at least the understanding that Maggie is registered and I’ll get something to pay by mail. When I told my roommates I’d be getting a složenka, they laughed. Apparently it’s an old system of paying through the post office. I would have had no idea. That Prague 5 still uses such a system is baffling (I didn't experience this in Prague 13, my former district). But my Czech teacher told me it’s because of the older generations - it’s what they know and are used to and they don’t use internet banking. Ok, fair enough. But there aren’t other options for the rest of us? It seems quite complicated.

Anyway, having accomplished my task at the district office, I was in need of a reward. This whole process took me literally hours upon hours. One more complicated task off the list. It shouldn’t really have been that complicated, but this is moving life (I know I'm not the only one experiencing those complications) and life for a foreigner who doesn't know the systems.  The added stress and time trying to figure it all out - and then the accomplishment! - deserves a reward, don't you think? 😊

Backpacking the Czech AT

I love hiking. I love being in nature, exploring new landscapes. I am inspired and refreshed by living greenness, water, mountains, paths through still forest. And I really enjoy the Czech mountains. (Did you know that the borders of the Czech are almost completely in the mountains?) So when I discovered that there is a "new" Appalachian-like Czech trail that leads from the most western point in the Czech to the most eastern point, going through the northern or southern mountain regions, I was captivated. "New" (in quotations) because the trails have been there - someone just sat down and decided to connect them, passing through interesting landmarks, to form a 1,000 km trail from end to end.  I have no desire to hike the whole Appalachian trail (torture, anyone?) but this Czech trail, with the 10 sections it's divided into? That feels somewhat doable, at least sections of it. (So no, I haven't hiked the whole trail. Not yet. Just experimented with a couple short trips. 🙂)

So I put in on Facebook, asking which of my friends might have interest in doing a section with me this summer. Now you have to understand, those who are most available and flexible are younger than me - generally GenXers who hold their options open till the last minute. So I wasn't sure about getting commitments from anyone to join me, and I wasn't too interested in trying to do this on my own at this point. Because Czech backpacking is slightly different than in the US. For one, the trails inevitable go through towns and villages where you might be able to pick up water or food. Though food is questionable... best not to count on it. But at least you can find a house or restaurant where you can fill up on water. It's generally ok to pitch a tent wherever in the nature. Maybe off the trail is better... especially in national parks where I'm not completely sure overnight camping is permitted. So essentially planning the route just comes down to searching a section of trail with the number of kilometers you think you can do, and finding transportation to the start and end points - bus or train or a combination of both.

This Stezka Ceskem (Trail through the Czech) is already broken up into sections of approximately 100 km (62 miles). I found one that goes through Czech Switzerland, where I've wanted to go to for a long time and haven't made it yet. And in the end I decided it would work better as two 50 km hikes and found two girls who were each willing to hike one part with me. 

I haven't actually backpacked in a very long time. I'm not sure I could actually tell you the last time, outside of one night last year with girls. But then we didn't hike super far and it was just into the forest and back. So when I had packed my pack and went to put it on, I suddenly had a moment of panic. I enjoy walking, and 15-20 km in a day feels fairly doable to me. But carrying 16 kg (35 pounds) on my back (yes, I weighed it)...? Any confidence I had, and it was already a bit weak, quickly dissipated. But I was already committed. Meeting my friend Bara at 8:30 the next morning to begin our adventure.

The first day did not go well. The bus was late, which meant we would miss the train to the final destination. So we took the bus a bit farther in hopes of getting a later, different train. Which was also delayed... first by 15 minutes, then 30, then 50... due to "technical difficulties on the track".  While waiting at the train station, we realized the camp stove attachment I had borrowed did not fit the gas bottle Bara had brought. We tried to quickly find a store to buy one or the other, with no luck. So got on the train when it finally arrived with no plan how to cook the suppers and breakfast we had with us. So we finally made it, 2 and a half hours later than expected, to this obscure station in the middle of nowhere - apparently only popular for hikers headed to various destinations. 

The vintage train that finally arrived an hour late

The next challenge was skirting the mud which covered the path at some points. We were doing well until Bara sunk her shoes in to over the top.  And she didn't have another pair of shoes with her. Washing them off in the stream nearby meant they were soaked, so she wore my boots while I continued to wear my Chacos. Fortunately I had brought 2 pairs of shoes, for fear of my Chacos giving me blisters after so many miles. But they did well! (unashamed Chaco promo 😊)

As we were getting close to where we wanted to find a spot to sleep that night, it started to rain. And then started to rain harder. So we stopped in this tiny patch of woods next to a stream. It was really quite pretty, but as we were desperate to get the tent up before we were soaked, we put it essentially on top of the trail, which was pretty much the only flat spot around. It rained half the night, and at one point I couldn't sleep for fear the stream would rise and just flood us. But we awoke to no rain and clearing. In fact, beautiful fog on the hills that morning when I got sick of Maggie lunging at our faces and walking all over us (12 hours of sleep for her, from the time we escaped the rain into the tent, was plenty!) and took her outside.

Morning after the rain drying out

The second day, as Bara tried to tie her still-wet shoes on her pack, one kept falling off. And then after walking some kilometers I noticed one again was gone. Alas, it was truly gone, despite her retracing some of the trail to look. So I was stuck with Chacos and she with my hiking boots, which fortunately fit decently. The other loss of the day was a handkerchief which I had draped between straps on my pack to dry and mysteriously also disappeared somewhere along the way. 

And I just had seemed to forget how much pain your body is constantly in carrying a pack. Shoulders, back, hips... legs, especially when walking uphill. It's brutal. My body sighed in relief at laying down each evening, and I felt ALL the aches every morning - barely able to sit up.  Every time I wonder why I want to do this, and am convinced that day hikes are way better. And yet you can't see the breadth of landscape when you only have day hikes. So is another trip in 2 weeks doable? We'll see. It's already planned.

p.s. we didn't starve. Who knew, but instant oatmeal CAN be made with cold water 😁 And we had enough tuna and bread/crackers and cans of corn with us that it sufficed for supper. 

Lovely nature

Czech mountains

Pravnicka brana in Czech Switzerland, which is apparently in the movie "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"

p.p.s. the second trip was a bit better. First, no such difficulties as the first trip. And then primarily because Eliška offered to carry my pack, which was heavier by far (I had the tent and camp stove and the majority of the food). But she's young and wanted to train for her athletic season approaching. My body was not nearly as sore. :) We didn't do the other half of the first section of trail as planned, because we didn't have enough time to complete it, but still did do part of the Stezka Ceskem. And instead I got to see another park area, Adršpach, that I've long wanted to see. So, plus 👍

Huge rock formations

This one is "hand holding an ice cream cone". See it?

Trail markers. Have I mentioned how much I love this country's system of trails?

Maggie was so tired she only wanted to eat laying down 😆

Czech-Polish border! We hiked many km along the border

This is interesting... C for Czech (P for Poland is on the other side). But you can see the outline of the former CS: Czechoslovakia

So many blueberries to pick along the Polish border! Literally mile after mile of this. FYI: Maggie doesn't like blue

Poland

Dinner!

Beautiful camp spot in the meadow overlooking a village

And then this happened at the end of the trip 😞 They were still wearable, but highly disappointing. A new pair is waiting for me in PA...